DEBBIE IBIYEMI: “Sometimes when you are called to heal people that are burned you have to be burned too.”
Like most young women, Debbie Ibiyemi had bright dreams and a healthy sense of self-worth until she walked into an emotionally abusive, long distance relationship that changed the entire course of her life for three long years.
Debbie’s fiancé had passive-aggressive behavior down to a science: whenever there was a disagreement, he would switch off his phone for weeks leaving her in excruciating worry. He treated her with neglect and meted out such constantly horrid behavior that she began to walk on egg-shells around him.
Debbie admits that the relationship took a lot out of her and yet she could not leave because of societal pressure. She kept bending over backwards to make it work: she rejected an international offer for a Basic Therapy teaching job and also another offer within Africa all for the sake of her relationship. She was dreadfully unhappy and yet she stuck around hoping something would change. Her fear of her fiancé grew with each passing day as he became more and more abusive and aggressive. She admits that at a point, she was grateful for the distance and actually afraid of proximity because she began to sense he could be physically abusive too.
Debbie stated that the relationship deteriorated to a point where she had to pray and ask God for help every single time before talking to her own fiancé. She cried every night until she developed blurry vision and she avoided mirrors because she could not bear to look at her reflection.
Debbie has always been a writer, but for the entire three years of the relationship, she could not write a single word. She became a shadow of herself, she closed down her Facebook account and cut off from all her friends. She fell into deep depression and became suicidal; yet, strangely, she could not leave the relationship.
She became absent-minded to the point that one time she suddenly found herself on a bus. She started screaming thinking she was being kidnapped. The passengers were all surprised and informed her she had flagged the bus down on her own accord and boarded it; she had absolutely no recollection of doing that. She knew she was losing it fast, she knew why, yet she could not quit.
One time during final exams her depression and psychological trauma had escalated to such a point that she could not bring herself to go to the hall. She sat on her bed crying and staring at the ticking clock with her phone off as she watched the exam time go by even though missing the exam would attract an extra year. Her fiancé was very unsympathetic, crass, and dismissive when he heard about it.
When her fiancé finally broke up with her she strangely felt relief alongside the heartbreak.
Debbie recalls that immediately after the breakup, things started falling into place and she got back all she had lost like her identity, her confidence, her joy and her peace. She regained her focus and even her writer’s block lifted.
As a child, Debbie had strangely expressed a desire to heal people with herbs and started experimenting by squeezing out herbs and drawing out the liquid with a syringe. Her mum was worried at the then seemingly ‘strange’ desires of her little child and had wondered if her daughter wanted to become a ‘herbalist’. Her mum’s fear communicated itself to her and she abandoned her childhood ‘whim’ and went on to study computer science with a marked lack of passion for the course. She recalls that from that moment on she had lacked ambition until much later when she discovered skincare.
As a graduate, gentle prodding and encouragement from a friend got her interested in makeup artistry and her passion was stoked. She began to research extensively until she discovered her love for organic skincare products. Her passion drove her into hours of late-night study and she started her own skincare line in 2011 which turned out to be a very profitable venture. Currently she is a certified esthetician.
By 2016 Debbie’s spiritual life sky-rocketed and she developed an intensely personal relationship with God. But with the end of her engagement in 2017, her intimacy with God and her faith were the hardest hit. She blamed God for the loss of a relationship she had sacrificed so much for.
Out of the blue, a total stranger sent her an unsolicited email detailing his own life story which weirdly, was exactly like hers. She read it in disbelief and found her own answers to her silent questions.
Within one year, Debbie has become a voice in the skincare industry as a campaigner for safe skincare practices, and a coach and mentor to individuals starting their skin businesses or hoping to revamp existing businesses. She has been able to work with women with skin issues from unsafe skincare products and helps manage the withdrawal symptoms associated with their abrupt stoppage of those products.
Debbie was inspired to start up a skincare community on Facebook (Skin Business Bootcamp) and in one year alone the membership has grown to over 10,000. Through the community, people looking for safe and effective means to treat their skin conditions, start a skincare business and make a living off innovative ideas have all benefitted. She marvels at the numerous calls she receives on daily basis from people who through her community have learned and are now running their own businesses and are financially empowered today as a result. She has sold several books too.
Debbie admits that it is all God and acknowledges him as her source; she confides that every single step she takes is led and has been so since she picked up her pieces and never looked back. Her love for God was rekindled alongside her zeal for the things of God.
Interestingly, Debbie’s current lifestyle mirrors exactly what she had told her mother as a child; using herbs to heal people. She also confides that what she does now is a perfect combination of all she is and loves to do. She makes use of her computer science skills, love for encouraging people, love for being a caregiver, writing skills and love for organic skincare. Also, she uses her platform to teach people to be more reliant on God.
Debbie’s life is back on track and she wouldn’t have it any other way.
Her parting words? “You can be the light that you’re searching for.”
#CelebratingStrongAfricanWomen #CSAW #AfricanKidsAndWomenRightsEmpowermentInitiative #AKAWI
